I was tired today. I hadn’t slept till 2:30 or 3 am. The story really started last night when I served iced coffee to our guests and had some myself. Now when I was a teenager, I never had to worry about whether or how much caffeine I had. I couldn’t even use it effectively to stay awake on overnight driving trips. But all that has changed… Drastically. Now if I want to sleep at night, no matter how weary, I had better leave coffee alone after about 4 in the afternoon. Yes, even two swallows, my husband declares. And he’s right. Too right. But I didn’t do it. I “drank socially,” and then stayed awake wishing I was asleep as the wee hours of the morning came and went.
And then today I was tired. Things didn’t go that well. I tried to get stuff done around the house, but my nerves were taunt and I found myself snapping at the children and Darren. Especially this afternoon when I put them to bed and my toddler stayed awake, bumping occasionally, and asking to be up, while I tried to catch a much needed but elusive nap. Finally she declared she need the potty and then when put on the toilet didn’t go. I put her back in her bed, and with a not very kind tone, told her she had better cut it out and go to sleep. And then my son was awake and wanted to get up and I was irritated… When my husband said something about my mood and how I had spoken to them, I ended up in tears. To make a long story short, I didn’t get a nap, but I got to pondering that my attitude was REALLY rotten and needed a drastic make over.
That’s when this little meditation came to mind. Could my life be compared to a violin? The strings must be drawn tight and put under stress to realize its full potential for music. But not just any hand will draw beautiful music from that stress. Take myself, for instance. I don’t know how to play. I picked up a violin and drew from it sounds that grated nerves and rankled the soul, more like a dying cow, to be honest, than a song! But a master can draw from it heavenly music. I want my life to be handed over to the Master – so that when stress happens, music happens too. Did it today? Not at first – but thankfully we serve a God of second chances.